Taking Artistic License?

My interaction with a Rabbi, detailed a couple of posts back, made me realise that this version of the Esther story is not going to be compatible with Jewish orthodoxy. I struggled with that a bit, because I think it's really important to honour the intent of your source text when working on an adaptation. However, the goal of this project is to reach across borders and inspire and entertain. I don't think it could ever be 100% orthodox, and I don't think it should be, either. But I do hope it inspires people to learn more about the story of Esther and about Jewish and Persian traditions. I think that would be great.

I bring this up, because in trying to work out an overarching plot structure for my version of the script I have tried to not contradict anything in the original text. I have embellished a lot, but really tried to not write anything inconsistent with what happens in the Book of Esther.

However, I have been tempted to. I've found two places that could really be improved with a tiny bit of artistic licence.

First of all, there's the assassination attempt which Mordecai learns about and reports to Esther, who reports it back to the palace officials. In the book, this happens after Esther becomes Queen, which would put it in Act II of our musical. However, I'm tempted to think that it might work better in Act I. Act II has enough political intrigue as it is, and Mordecai could really use something to do in the second half of Act I.

Repositioning that scene would also give Esther something to do between being drafted into the harem and having her night with Xerxes. The scene could also give us a chance to see what Esther thinks of Xerxes before she comes face to face with him. Maybe she gets just a glimpse of the king. It's not a huge change, and not completely necessary, but I do think it would balance the script better.

The second thing I've been mulling around is more of an addition than a change. The original treatment for Xerxes Atlas mentions a young Jewish guard who sympathises with Esther, but has no choice but to bring her to the palace. I think that this is a great character, and I'd like to expand his role a little bit into a potential love interest for Esther. Let's call him Hezzekiah. Perhaps he helps her sneak into the palace to spy on the big festival at the beginning of the play. We see him again when he must reluctantly take her to Xerxes' harem, and he could possibly be the link between Esther and Mordecai when she is at the palace -- it would make sense, and be dramatically interesting, if Mordecai wasn't allowed to see her himself.

Hezzekiah could carry a torch for Esther, and maybe even try to help her escape. She likes him well enough, but for some reason doesn't see herself having a future with him. When she becomes queen, he would be very upset, and she would worry that he might give away the secret of her Jewishness out of spite. But he remains steadfast, and eventually they become friends again. This development could be something that makes Xerxes jealous and drives a wedge between him and Esther, right when Esther needs to talk to him the most.

On one hand, I really love the dramatic possibilities that Hezzekiah would offer, but on the other hand I can see the risk of overly complicating the story by adding another major character into the mix. But maybe he should stay out of the story simply because he wasn't in the original?